Changes
by PheonixFireBlack
Summary: R for language. Over the years, the band slowly disappated until it was no more by the gang's Junior year of high school. Everone learned that people and things change...but no one knew just how much the band meant to Zack or just how much he would change
1. The Changing Begins and Ends

Title - Changes By - PheonixFireBlack Summary - Over the years, the band slowly disappated until it was no more by the gang's Junior year of high school. Everone learned that people and things change....but no one knew just how much the band meant to Zack....or just how much he would change after they broke up... Genre - Angst Category - School of Rock Feedback - Please? Criticism - Flame if you must, but I prefer constructive criticism. Disclaimer - Don't own SoR. Don't own much of anything, to be honest. I'm starting to think I'm running out of things to NOT own....I don't own Harry Potter, The OC, RFR, SoR...hm...this could be interesting. *laughs* Notes - Some SERIOUS angst coming, people! I even managed to surprise myself when I wrote this. I mean...really...*shakes head* Anyway, just read and you'll see...  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
He woke up to the annoying buzz of the alarm. He slammed his hand on it and turned it off. He threw the blankets off of him and got out of the bed. He walked over to his dresser to put his school uniform on. Horace Green had a high school as well and the school uniforms were the same as they had been six years ago. It was sad really, but he couldn't do anything about it. Before he put on the white button-down shirt, he looked at his arms. There were cuts in every place humanly possible. So many attempts, and so very many failures. Two of the cuts were still new; they had been made just last night. He would have to find another way of pain soon...he had run out of places on his arms over the past two years. He shook his head and put the shirt on, buttoning it up.  
  
Once he was dressed, he grabbed his bag and went downstairs. His mother had offered him something for breakfast, but he refused it, claiming to no be hungry. He kissed his mother on the cheek and grabbed his keys. "See you after school, mom."  
  
"Alright, hun...Going anywhere or will you be coming straight home today?"  
  
She asked him that every day and every day, she got the same answer. "No..."  
  
"Alright...bye, hun." And she watched as her son walked out the door and backed out of the driveway, shaking her head. "I wish he would open up to us more...And it all happened just when I thought he was going to be more sociable, too." She sighed and walked over to the sink and started washing last night's dinner dishes. Hadn't she told Zack to do them last night?  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey, Zack Attack!" Someone shouted.  
  
Zack winced at the nick name. Why did the blond have to constantly remind him of everything that had happened over the last few years? "Hey, Freddy."  
  
The blond finally caught up with his friend, "What's up, man?"  
  
"The same as every other morning of our lives that you've asked me that."  
  
"Nothing, then?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Alright..."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
It seemed to take forever for the day to pass. However, when it came time for lunch break, everything was alright. Zack and Freddy had the same class just before lunch, so they met up really soon. As the two boys walked down the school hallway together to get to their lockers, Freddy was moving his hands, as if he were drumming. Zack raised an eyebrow, "Freddy..."  
  
"Yeah?" Freddy looked at Zack and didn't seem to realize what he was doing.  
  
"What's up with you?"  
  
"What do you--" And then he noticed. "Oh...yeah...I kinda woke up late and forgot take the meds." He shrugged as if nothing were wrong.  
  
"Freddy...is that such a good idea? I mean...shouldn't you go back home and take the riddlin?"  
  
"No." Freddy answered immediately.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because...I've never...not taken the pills...I wanna know what it's like."  
  
"Oh, God...this is gonna be a trip."  
  
The blond grinned mischieviously as they entered the lunch room.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
When school let out, Zack put his books in his locker and got the needed material for all of his homework. Now he was sitting in his car, tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel. He sighed and rolled his eyes, finally deciding on what to do. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed home.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Mom, change of plans. I'm...not coming straight home."  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
Zack hesitated. He hadn't thought out that far. "Freddy's...I'll be home in a little while."  
  
"Alright. I'll see you then, hun."  
  
"Bye mom."  
  
"Zack, hun...why do you sound so...depressed?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well...you say bye as if it's the last time we'll talk. I'll see you in a few hours, darling."  
  
"I dunno what you're talking about. I'll talk to you later, mom."  
  
"Bye, hun."  
  
"Bye...mom..." He immediately hung up before she could question him anymore. "If only you knew what I was really doing..." He muttered, starting the car and backing out of the school parking lot.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Freddy had been wondering about Zack lately. Something was up and he wasn't giving any idea to Freddy as to what it was. He waited until he knew Zack was leaving and finally backed out of his parking space. He decided that he was going to follow Zack and see where he was going. He figured he would just go home, but Freddy was soon proven wrong when he saw that Zack's blinker was to the right and not the left. That's when following his best friend was set it stone. He clicked his blinker to the right as well.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Zack glanced over at the glovebox. While he waited on the traffic, he leaned over and opened it. Good...everything was still in check. Nothing gone, moved, or even touched in the slightest. He closed the compartment and turned onto the highway. He had to do it today. He knew he had to. He just couldn't take any of this any longer.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
As Freddy followed the black '03 mustang, the blond got confused. Where the hell was Zack going? He shrugged and continued to mess with the rear view mirror; then he flipped the radio station. He glanced in the side-view mirror and tapped his thumbs on the steering wheel. "Man, I'm never doing this again." He muttered, changing the radio station again. He fiddled with the rear-view mirror again. "I'm never forgetting to take the meds...this is damn annoying." He continued his antics and followed Zack.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Finally, Zack reached the designated destination. It was a place that he was very familiar with. He could almost go so far as to say he was as familiar with it as he was his own home. He pulled over and parked, killing the engine on his car. He saw a red Ferrari pass by and thought that it was Freddy. He quickly discarded that thought. "It's not like he's the only one in the state with a red Ferrari, Mooneyham." Zack muttered to himself. He leaned towards the glovebox again and took it out. He had to have it; it was the whole mission of coming here. He slammed the compartment door closed and got out of the car. He slammed the car door shut and looked at the car for a few moments. It was as if he was scrutinizing the car. He shrugged and turned around going into the old apartment. He still had his key, so he could get in any time he damn well felt like it.  
  
He slowly unlocked and opened the door. He closed it behind him and walked to the center of the small kitchen. He stood there for awhile.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Freddy had sped on past Zack. He wasn't about to get yelled at for following him; not yet, anyway. He had parked around the corner and got out of the red car. He ran towards the apartment and frowned. "Why the hell is Zack coming to Dewey's old place? We haven't been here in two years..." He muttered as he crept over to the door. It was open a crack and he peeked in to try and watch and figure out what Zack was doing. What he saw and heard, was not something that he ever thought would have seen or heard around Zack Mooneyham. It just didn't seem in his personality.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Zack had started muttering to himself. "Have to do it...has to be today."  
  
No....No, not now...later...tonight... A voice in the back of his mind said.  
  
"No, it has to be now."  
  
Why? Why not when no one will be expecting you home?  
  
"Because...somehow it makes more sense."  
  
No it doesn't. You should do it tonight. Your mother is expecting you home within the next few hours.  
  
"Well, she won't be seeing me then, now will she?"  
  
How do you suppose anyone is going to find out about this?  
  
"I dunno..."  
  
Don't you at least want someone to find you in a little while? Have someone fret over you and all?  
  
"What's the point?"  
  
I'm not sure...but I know that's what you want  
  
"How can you be so sure?"  
  
I'm the voice in your head...I read your thoughts just like you read a book  
  
"Oh."  
  
Yeah...I know what you want. You want Dewey to move back.   
  
"Shut up..."  
  
You want him to come back with all the enthusiasm he had before he left.  
  
"Shut up..." This time, it was a little louder.  
  
You want everyone to pick up their instruments again.  
  
"Shut up..." It was almost like a warning.  
  
You want everything to go back to the way it was before the band broke up.  
  
"SHUT UP!" He shouted.  
  
You want School of Rock to come back and be one again.  
  
"I said SHUT UP! Don't you listen?" He had gone from complete anger to being on the verge of tears in a matter of moments, though the tint of anger was still quite evident in his voice.  
  
I only speak the truth...I'm only letting you know--really know--what you want.  
  
"I know what I want!"  
  
You have a vague idea of what you want, but you don't really know what you want.  
  
"Yes I do."  
  
No...you don't know your own heart's deepest desire.  
  
"I know exactly what I want."  
  
On top of the band, you want her.  
  
"What?"  
  
You know who I'm talking about.  
  
"You so sure?"  
  
Yes.  
  
"Well, you're wrong. Who?"  
  
Summer Hathaway.  
  
"What does she have to do with anything?"  
  
You hate her boyfriend...all of them, really...no matter what you tell her...you hate them. Every last fucking one of them.  
  
"But--"  
  
Yet somehow...at the same time...you want him as well.  
  
"What?"  
  
You know...  
  
"No...yet again, I don't know."  
  
Freddy Jones  
  
"No..." Zack whispered.  
  
Yes.  
  
"No..." He shook his head, as if that might get the point across a little better.  
  
Yes...that desire popped up two years ago. The voice paused. Well...it's been there all along, but you only realized it even existed two years ago.  
  
"No!"  
  
On that fateful day...  
  
"No!"  
  
That School of Rock was no more. Everything ended that day, didn't it?  
  
"Shut up..." Zack could barely hear himself.  
  
Your desire for fame...a record deal...her...the guitar...it all ended.  
  
"Shut up..." He whispered.  
  
You thought it had all ended then and there. You had nothing more to live for.  
  
"Shut up..." He was a few octive's above a whisper.  
  
But you know why you had so many failed attempts, right?  
  
"No..."  
  
Because of your desire for him.  
  
"No!" He shouted.  
  
Yes. It was only that one little piece of desire that you had left. It gave you the will to stop when you knew you could go on. When you knew you could end everything.  
  
"No...it just..it wasn't...I..."  
  
Yes. The desire...the want...the need...everything from him that you longed for...that was your reason and will to live.  
  
"No..."  
  
But you've even managed to loose that, now...haven't you?  
  
Tears were falling from his eyes now. "No...not...not completely..."  
  
No? Then why are you here? Why do you have that gun?  
  
"Because...I...I..." He bit his lip and closed his eyes.  
  
Exactly. You've lost it. I don't know what made you lose it...but you've lost that desire...the want...the only reason and your only will to live...that's what that desire was...and somehow, you've managed to loose it just as you've lost everything else.  
  
"No...I...I haven't lost it...I just...I..."  
  
No...do like the song that running through your head and load up the gun.  
  
"What?"  
  
Nirvana...Nevermind...Load up on guns...  
  
"Oh...right..."  
  
Go on...load it...point it...pull it...your done.  
  
"But--"  
  
It's what you want, isn't it?  
  
He nodded and did exactly what the voice told him to do. He lifted the small hand gun and looked at it for a moment before loading it. He swallowed and walked over towards a more open area of the apartment. He turned to face the door and put the gun to his forehead and closed his eyes.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Freddy couldn't stand it any more. He shoved the door open and practically flung himself into his friend. He did this mostly in hope to knock the gun out of Zack's hand. It worked; when Freddy's body had collided with Zack's, the gun flew out of the brunette's hand, though only a few feet away, it was far enough. Freddy sat up, staying on top of Zack. "What the hell?" He shouted, frowning and looking very confused.  
  
"Freddy...I..."  
  
"What the hell are you doing, Mooneham? I know things haven't been perfect lately but...killing yourself? Why?"  
  
"I can't take it any more, Freddy!"  
  
"Can't take it?" The blond mouthed, "Can't take what anymore, Zack?"  
  
Zack shoved his friend off of him and retrieved the gun. He stood there, about three feet away from his best friend, gun in his hand and at his side. "Everything, Freddy...None of it...I can't take any of it anymore."  
  
"Zack, you aren't making any sense! Explain yourself!" The punk-rock ex- drummer looked at the gun wearily. It wasn't right for Zack of all people in the world to have a gun in his hand.  
  
"The band..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You don't understand..."  
  
"What do you mean? What's there to understand? We broke up. All the great bands do!"  
  
Zack shook his head, "No...we weren't supposed to. We were supposed to stick together. We were supposed to get a record deal...make videos that would be played on Fuse...we were supposed to outlast everyone else, Freddy."  
  
"It just wasn't meant to happen, Zack."  
  
"You still don't understand..."  
  
"What, Zack? What is it that you want me to understand?" Freddy shouted.  
  
"It was all I had..."  
  
"The band?"  
  
"Yeah...the band was all I had, Freddy..."  
  
"No!" Freddy shouted. "You had friends. You still have friends, Zack! You've got really good friends, Zack! Good friends who care about you!"  
  
He shook his head, "No...if they were so great...they would have noticed."  
  
"What?"  
  
"They would have noticed the changes...they would have noticed that I'd gotten quieter over the last two years. They would have worried about it. They would noticed the cuts...They would have noticed the changes, Freddy..."  
  
"Are you saying that I'm not a good friend, Zack? You think I didn't notice that you'd gotten quieter?" Freddy shook his head, "No! Your wrong! You're WAY wrong, Zack! We ALL noticed. We noticed the quietness...we worried about it...I knew about the cuts...but I thought there were just a few..."  
  
"Just a few?" Zack shouted. He rolled his eyes and unbuttoned his shirt. He slipped it off and showed Freddy his arms. "Does this...look like just a few cuts to you?"  
  
Freddy looked at his friends arms. He was shocked at the numerous amount of cuts that were there. His arms were covered in scars from where the boy had cut himself. Freddy could feel his eyes widen, "Zack..." He whispered, shaking his head slowly, "Why didn't you say something?"  
  
"It's all I had...The band was all I had, Freddy..." He repeated.  
  
"You still have friends from the band...There's me...and Summer, Katie, Lawrence, Alicia...to be honest...I think everyone's still here...you just...you closed us all out, Zack. You distanced yourself from us. Why?"  
  
"I could't have you knowing...I didn't want you to worry."  
  
"Yet a few minutes ago you were complaining about that..."  
  
"I've gotta do it, Freddy."  
  
"No...Zack, please! Don't do this...don't do this to yourself...to me...your friends...your family! Goddammit, Zack! Can't you just get a grip and move on like the rest of us did? Even if it's not soon! God, Zack! We could help you get through it! We could have BEEN helping if you would have SAID something! I just can't see why you DID this! WHY did you do this, Zack?"  
  
He shook his head. "I don't know..." His grip on the gun had loosened a little.  
  
"Zack..." Freddy slowly walked over to stand in front of his friend. "Zack...I just don't understand..."  
  
Zack stepped back and raised the gun to his temple at a slight angle again. He had tears running down his cheeks. He didn't want to do this really, but he knew that he had to, he just couldn't take it anymore and it was the only thing he could do to end it.  
  
Tears were flowing down Freddy's cheeks now. "Zack...please...please...don't do this...I swear to God, if you shoot yourself, when your done...I'm going to take the gun and shoot myself as well."  
  
"Why would you do that?"  
  
"We're best friends and there's nothing that your going to go through that I'm not going to expierience...and I'm not going to let you go like that without me following."  
  
"But...why would you...why would you take your life over me?"  
  
"That's the thing, Zack! That's just...that's just how...loyal...deditcated, I don't care what you wanna call it, whatever it is...that's how dedicated I am to our friendship, Zack!"  
  
Friendship. The word seemed so foreign, yet at the same time so familiar. Something clicked in Zack's head and he wasn't sure what had possessed him to do it, especially since he had just moments ago been considering not doing it; he pulled the trigger on the gun and fired it.  
  
"No!" Freddy cried out as the dark-haired boy's body feel to the floor. "No...Zack...why...why did you..." Freddy fell to his knees beside Zack. He closed his eyes and cried. However, this didn't last long. He reached over his friend's body and took the gun. "I told you I'd do it...and I wasn't lying." He whispered before pointing the gun and shooting himself.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Notes - I TOLD you guys it was ansty! I have an alternate ending for those of you that wanted a happy one...or...at least a semi-happy onel ol. Want it? ...Ok...i'll give it to you...but you have to go to the next chapter first lol. 


	2. Alternate Ending

Changes  
  
Alternate ending.  
  
Notes - Well...I TOLD you there was an alternate ending so I'm giving it to you.  
  
~*~*~*~  
ALTERNATE ENDING!  
  
"Zack..." Freddy slowly walked over to stand in front of his friend. "Zack...I just don't understand..."  
  
Zack stepped back and raised the gun to his temple at a slight angle again.  
  
Tears were flowing down Freddy's cheeks now. "Zack...please...please...don't do this...I swear to God, if you shoot yourself, when your done...I'm going to take the gun and shoot myself as well."  
  
"Why would you do that?"  
  
"We're best friends and there's nothing that your going to go through that I'm not going to expierience...and I'm not going to let you go like that without me following."  
  
"But...why would you...why would you take your life over me?"  
  
"That's the thing, Zack! That's just...that's just how...loyal...deditcated, I don't care what you wanna call it, whatever it is...that's how dedicated I am to our friendship, Zack!"  
  
Friendship. The word seemed so foreign, yet at the same time so familiar. Something clicked in Zack's head and it wasn't the sound of a gun. He bit his lip and closed his eyes. He heard the gun drop to the floor and felt himself lean forward into his best friend. He felt the tears rush down his cheeks. "Zack...I..."  
  
"I don't know...God, I can't believe this..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I...I came here to kill myself but just before I had...I have a conversation with a fucking voice in my head. It...it was weird, but...it kind of made me realize what I do have to live for."  
  
"And what's that?" Freddy asked softly, muttering into Zack's hair as he uncharaictarstically kissed the boy's head.  
  
Zack looked up into the blond's bright blue, fear-stricken eyes. "You..." was the only word that he whispered.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Notes: The real END of this fic! lol. I dunno...the first ending...GOD! By the time i had it done, I had tear stains on my own cheeks I was so sad. If/When you review, tell me which ending you liked better. *grin* 


End file.
